COUPLES THERAPY & COUPLES INTENSIVES​
The problem is never really the problem. When two people come together, no matter how much they love each other, conflict will occur. Conflict is unavoidable. The problems happen when we feel threatened by a loss of connection and either attack or withdraw in an effort to preserve the bond. We are hard-wired to form close bonds of attachment (such as the mother-child bond). That hard-wiring doesn't disappear when we mature, but instead becomes a driving force in our relationships. When we feel criticized, abandoned or emotionally invisible to our partner, it sends a danger signal to our brains that our very survival is in jeopardy. Attachment bonds are different from other bonds in that we are hard-wired to associate them with survival.
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Those fights that happen over and over are happening for a reason. In the therapy session we will uncover those reasons and more. Often the repeat offenders are triggering deep feelings of guilt, shame or anger that we have long ago cut off from our consciousness. Viewed from this angle, of course a fight would erupt when you inadvertently wander into your partner’s emotional minefield. The antidote is to infuse the discussion with curiosity and compassion about why this discussion is so difficult for you and your partner.
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How couples therapy is structured:
I offer both weekly couples therapy and a 2-day couple intensive.
Couples Intensive:
When couples want to speed up their healing process, a couples intensive can provide 10 weeks of therapy in 2 days. We can meet online or in-person to front-load the therapeutic process. In the intensive you will learn about your own survival strategy that becomes activated during conflict. You will learn how to identify when you are in fight or flight and how to pivot and calm down before continuing the conversation. You will improve listening and communication skills by shifting the goal of communication from problem-solving to empathy-building. You will learn how to repair fights effectively so that they do not linger in the relationship.
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What to Expect in an Intensive:
A couples therapy intensive typically involves meeting for 1or 2 days for 5 hours a day, depending on the couple's needs. Most intensives take place on the weekend. I will ask you to fill out some forms on the history of the relationship and your personal history. Whether we meet for 1 or 2 days, the cost includes a 90-minute follow up meeting in approximately 2 weeks. Here is what an intensive schedule looks like:
9:30a.m. - 11a.m Session
11a.m. - 11:15a.m. Break
11:15a.m. - 12:45p.m. Session
12:45p.m. - 1:45p.m. Lunch
1:45p.m. - 3:30p.m. Session
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*Alterations can be made to the intensive schedule (number of hours, number of days) depending on the needs of each couple. Contact me to discuss how we can adjust the schedule to your specific situation.
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Weekly Therapy:
We need to do a complete assessment of the relationship so that the therapy can target the appropriate concerns of each individual.
With this is mind, we will meet for 3 sessions devoted purely to assessment: 1 joint couples session (90 min) and 2 individual sessions (60 min). At the second joint meeting I’ll have an assessment completed so we can prioritize which issues to give our immediate attention. Weekly therapy is offered in 60-minute, 90-minute and 120-minute sessions. It is recommended that couples choose at least 90-minutes to avoid feeling rushed, but I am willing to work with couples no matter their schedule or budget.
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Call or email​ for a free phone consultation at 917-312-6912.